The First Week…

The first week for us was the toughest.

We spent the first night in the hospital without our little T-rex and it was so so quiet. She was about 5 mins (10-15 for me) away on the neo-natal ward, thankfully she wasn’t in intensive care for long but she still wasn’t well.

Will had stayed with her the entire time she was in there that day and popped back to keep me updated, it turns out she had an infection in her lungs and it was affecting her breathing and she also had a little bit of sepsis. I immediately blamed myself, I questioned any colds or signs of illness that id had in the last few weeks of pregnancy, even more so when the doctors questioned me about being ill leading up to her due date.

I was in total shock, still coming out of my dizzy head induced by the gas and air and was recovering from a large loss of blood: another reason I had to stay in hospital, the doctors had to monitor my iron levels. I just wanted to go home, I was in pain and wanted to be with my baby.

I do however distinctly remember a bizarre moment, saying to my mum “I feel like my arse has fallen out”. I later learned that was because of the amount of swelling and anaesthetic in that area. I refused to look, me and my lady garden weren’t friends and I knew she wouldn’t look so pretty. I was also subjected to one TV channel for the duration of my stay at hospital, which made for a very awkward moment late at night after falling asleep with the TV on and a nurse popped in to do my tests. There was naked people on the screen and I had no idea why!

The next night was the first night on my own. Will had stayed with me since I was first admitted and had spent the duration trying to sleep on hospital chairs with no blankets or pillows…apparently, the hospital couldn’t supply those and the mattresses were reserved for the families who had to have a C-section! At one point, he was asleep next to me on the floor using his hoody as a pillow and a nurse comes in to check on me and genuinely says to me “he should have gone home…that’s why I say to the dads to bring in a sleeping bag because we don’t give out blankets ect.”……So after everything we’ve been through I should send him home by himself? Or I need to pre-empt a problem and bring a sleeping bag whilst im in the throws of labour!? Thanks!*

That’s when it finally hit me, I popped down to see my beautiful baby girl for the second time, she was sleeping peacefully in her little plastic bed, tubes coming from her perfect nose and hand, little wires attached to her body. It was heart breaking to see her like it.

Then came the time for me to go home, it was the worst feeling. I didn’t want to leave her there all by herself and I was still struggling with the soreness of my stitches, so reluctantly I waddled out of the hospital and made the journey home.

We then spent the next few days going over to the hospital to spend the whole day with her, be shown how to bathe her, feed as and when we can and get in as many cuddles as possible before we had to leave. Then the day came, we entered the hospital and she was in the nursery, we could spend the night at the hospital and then take her home the next day, my heart swelled with elation. We could take our baby home!

*A quick disclaimer: whilst there were a couple of nurses that were not very nice or simply quite rubbish this wasn’t the case for everybody. I would like to point out the amazing Cat (my trainee midwife) who did a fantastic job and genuinely made it feel like she cared about me and my new family, during the birth itself and the duration that Tiny T-rex was in neo natal. Which brings me onto the lovely ladies that work tirelessly to care for our poorly babies, they were so compassionate and considerate that I want to send them all the love and I would be so grateful for you too as well, they desperately need donations to help stock up their supplies. (www.mtw.nhs.uk/service/neonatal-unit/donations-and-fundraising/)

*If you have any questions or would like to discover more about our story feel free to comment or visit The Tiny T-Rex Backstage area via the link on the home page!*